I’m a working Mom because my mother was a working mom. I have 2 teenagers so I drink some. I don’t assign myself any headings as they change on a daily basis. There is no work life balance, it is an endless swing of the pendulum. This being said about the struggle being real, over all I am happy.
I am struggling and excelling at the same time, but that is the truth in life. I am seeing in my children the same pattern and doing my best to help them understand that not all in life is perfect and as the Buddhist saying goes, without mud, there is no lotus. Without suffering there can be no true appreciation of the wonderfulness that life can also bring us and so I am happy.
The deep struggle these days is wrapping my head around the fact that my children are slowly moving away from me and becoming independent beings. I have always touted we are not raising children, we are raising adults. This reality is happening now. I am doing my best to console the mom in me that wants to hold on tight, impinge restrictions, curfews, etc., and just let them be themselves, growing in to adults who make mistakes and have to deal with the consequences.
I am getting glimpses in to how much my children suffer. I peak in to their social media accounts occasionally and see what they experience from their perspective. Its all the same things I did as a teenager. Loneliness, self loathing, elation, love, loss, embarrassment, celebrations and frenemies. I wonder if I am failing them as a parent. So much is out of my control now with what they experience outside of our cocoon, its down right disheartening. My husband sent me a quote to remind me of what we want to teach our children, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”
I am trying to reconcile my worries with about my children growing up and my endless fight with burnout from working 50 hours a week with hobbies. I have chickens, I started making art again, I am learning Guitar (sharing lessons with my son is giving us something to connect with, I would never have guessed this would happen), and taking graduate courses in my primary degree field. I am spending more time with my husband which is my favorite thing to do, mountain biking and going out to eat. I feel like we are dating again. Its wonderful.
My reality is that there is no escape from the stress and worry that having teenagers brings. I simply sit in it, I pray on it. I look for advice online and from family and friends who have walked before me. I’m positive we are making mistakes. I am praying we don’t make any huge ones that will result in years of psychotherapy for our kids. The pressures in their lives are very real and I wish I had all the answers for them, but I understand they need to find their own answers now. I can only be here for them, listen and show them the love I feel for them. at least I think that’s what I’m supposed to do…